I'll Work on That
by AkaneDelite
Summary: We are all aware of Lawrence and his work with John this whole time, right? This is a reflection of his thought process while several crazy events unfold before him. Once again, no pairing, just crack. Contains fun, colorful vocabulary.


A/N: No, I will never stop making fun of apprentice!Lawrence. Yes, I'll forever be pissed off about it. No, not because of Chainshipping. It's because YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT HE WOULD HAVE DONE IF HE'S BEEN AN APPRENTICE THIS WHOLE TIME? DO YOU? But you know what? He didn't get all that shit done. Wanna know why? He's a douchebag. Now enjoy this piece of parody.

()()()

Woah, I was just saved. I would have never seen that coming. I'm saved from the man who I was yelling about having great pleasure of killing because he held me and a young man trying to make ends meet captive and threatened my wife and daughter. But he's cool now that he gave me a prosthetic. Now that I'm alive, I should probably ask how my family is doing and free Adam.

...Ehh, I'll worry about them later. I'm in the mood for some coffee right now. I wonder if John wants anything...

o0o

John's cancer is making Amanda more and more depressed. I can see why though. He is like a surrogate father to her; a father she never knew she'd have. Right now, she's constantly losing her shit by the day. I suppose it is my job as a doctor to refer her to get some help. Maybe bring her back to John's wife whose name I forgot...was it Jenny or something?

...Ehh, I think she can take care of herself.

o0o

Ever since my game, I neglected my family. Another thing I never realized until recently was that I shot Adam in the shoulder past six. Not only was I totally late on that, but I also attempted to cheat. Does that make my victory totally pointless and not a real victory and that I legitimately don't deserve to become John's apprentice?

Nahhh.

Oh, right. Adam. I almost forgot about him. I did leave him alive in that bathroom. Damn was it hard to shoot him right in the shoulder to leave him alive. He wouldn't stop moving, but at least I aimed well. Now I should probably keep that promise and plan to get back and save him.

I'm sure he won't mind staying there for another night.

o0o

Remember what I said about Amanda losing her shit? Now she's in this mentality that death is a solution and that no one truly changes. But really, there is nothing wrong with being a little pessimistic. She has her views on life, and John has his own. All I'm doing is wearing black coats and sew people's eyes and stuff. It's not like I kidnap anyone for them or anything. Because, well, you know...kidnapping someone is kind of difficult when you're missing a foot.

Wait, why did I saw off my foot again...? Oh right, my wife and daughter. I should probably stop what I'm doing right now, go back to see if they're alright and set a much better example for Diana. I shouldn't be that guy from Repo the Genetic Opera and be a killer (even though I'm not really killing) while his daughter is clueless. Alison would probably never let me see Diana again if she found what I was doing. The things she would say about me working for the man who threatened them both with a poisoned man that held a gun against their heads would not be pleasant things.

Wait, why am I working for Jigsaw again...? Oh right, prosthetic foot. Sounds reasonable.

o0o

Guilt has been eating up Amanda every day that she is having a battle with herself whether she should just kill Adam and end the suffering he doesn't deserve. Should this be the time to counsel her and find a way to get Adam out alive...? I don't know. I mean, yeah, I told him that I would get him out. Sure, I'm a doctor and father, and I have all the capabilities to heal and help Amanda, and with a help of a psychiatrist, she'd be completely fine and cleaned up. Maybe if I do something about all of this, they can both live their happy young lives and clean up their act, and they can both live happily ever after.

But what if I don't do anything about it? What would that do? Well, Amanda will just get worse as guilt and depression eats her up and resorts to killing others, thinking that it is for the better for them and humanity. Adam would get killed and thus breaking my promise to him. Not only would I break my promise about not doing anything in this situation, but that would pretty much contradict me shooting him in the shoulder and have awkward sexual tension with him instead of killing him right on the spot.

But if I did anything to help Adam, would I be breaking a ru—

Oh. Oh shit. She just finished killing him. Shit. Sorry. Sorry about that Adam. Sorry. Ummm...at least you don't have to worry about food anymore...right? Can you even hear me?

_Lawrence, you motherfucking idiot! Did you lose your fucking foot or your fucking mind?_

Uhhh...Sorry.

_Whatever. I'm going to the light now. Fuck you, fuck this shit._

Well, that wasn't a very nice good-bye...

o0o

I'm thinking about recommending one of my colleagues, Lynn Denlon, to play Jigsaw's game. Even though I never learned anything from my own game (what was I supposed to learn again?), the fact remains that she cheated on her husband, just like how I cheated on my wife. Sounds reasonable.

At the moment, John is getting sicker and sicker from the brain cancer. As a surgeon myself, I should probably give him constant medical attention. He is also in dire need of surgery...

I'll just leave that responsibility to Amanda and Lynn.

Should I provide the surgical tools Lynn will probably need...? Nah, I think Amanda will take care of that.

o0o

It has come to my attention that Mark Hoffman is plotting a devious plan to kill Amanda, Lynn, and possibly John by blackmailing Amanda and then make himself look like the hero by saving Lynn and Jeff's daughter. Now, I must weigh my options...if I choose to do something about this, Amanda will not kill Lynn, Jeff won't kill Amanda and John. Corbett will still have a mother and father, John may die of cancer, I maybe possibly just take Amanda to get some help so she doesn't have to continue John's work and live normally, and all will be well.

You know what? That's it, I'm going to quit stalling and do something about it! That's right, I'm going to do something really effective right now. I'm going to make a difference than just sewing people's eyes and mouths! You're probably crapping in your pants right now about what I'm going to do, right? Huh? Well, guess what? Prepare to be blown away as I'm going to stop Detective Hoffman from doing his plan and _I'll_ be the hero. I can save the lives of three or four people (depending on Jeff's fate) without having to open someone up. Okay, okay, I'll quit acting heroic and do something. Here it goes...

I'm going to write an anonymous note to Mark saying that I know who he is.

Oh, this is going to be SO GOOD!

o0o

So as it turns out, my wonderful diabolical plan to stop Mark didn't work. How couldn't it? How was that possible? It was 100% foolproof and guaranteed to work! Whatfuckingever. Anyways, I got this video message to look after Jill (so that's her name!), and that if anything happens to her...well, he was pretty much saying to lock away Mark in the bathroom I was in. Seriously, why did he have to say that in such fancy vocabulary?

For a long while now, I have been thinking about the last thing Adam has said to me. No, not "Don't leave me!". It was, "Did you lose your fucking foot or your fucking mind?" I've probably been thinking about that for a longer while than I thought for some reason. Maybe it's because it is just so fascinating to have a ghost talk to you in your head. That, or it could be Adam repeating himself over and over because he thinks he can, but I would have to be considered insane if that was the case.

Have I missed anything...? Nah, John and Amanda are dead, so if I missed anything, it was probably Mark being an arrogant ass as usual.

About Jill...about Jill...I don't know, is he being serious? That would just go against John's theory of "everyone deserves a chance". Shouldn't I just put him on the reverse bear trap or something? Though who would be the victim whose key is in the stomach...Definitely not me, that's for sure. Then again, it's Hoffman. No one has really liked him. Amanda doesn't like him, John doesn't really trust him that he would put him on an inescapable trap on him twice if the first time doesn't work, and I don't like him either. Why is he an apprentice again? Hell would I know. Anyways, is John really being seri—

Oh. Oh shit. He just finished killing her. Shit. Sorry. Sorry about that John, ummm...Jill, I think was your name, right? Yeah, umm, I'm going right on that. Sorry.

()()()

A/N: If this didn't make you want to flip tables, then I don't think I did my job very well.

Point of this? Lawrence is my favorite character. Don't ever fuck him up, or I'll parody your shit with cuss words.

The end.

Fun fact: Not even Cary Elwes knows what happened to Lawrence's family. I asked him in a convention. Dude, don't just like, leave an awesome guy like that clueless while he's acting for your horrible movie. That's not cool.


End file.
